On thursday night, as soon as my plane landed home in California, I got numerous phone calls. My grandmother called saying that my dad flew in from Korea the same day and needed my help at home. I rushed home, my mom out with some golf buddies and my sister sound asleep. My dad was on the floor of the living room, passed out, next to an empty bottle of Johnny Walkers. No, this is not the story of an alcoholic father. I saw him, and laughed, saying "Daddy!!! I missed you!" I was not embarassed of his behavior, I was almost happy, because he never, ever drinks, let alone ever has time to have fun. He is the CEO of a company called Moneual. He works 24/7 and is rarely ever home. Almost suddenly, I had changed my mind about how I felt about him celebrating.
I guess he was having a hard time working, and most of all, being away from home, his family. He started crying, saying how sorry he was, that he couldn't give me all that I needed, and how he couldn't be around for me when I needed him. I got angry at that because he gave me everything I could possibly want. If it weren't for him, I could never have been able to afford drexel, let alone any college. He gave me everything, by just being my father and raising me and loving me. Then, he started to say things like "I'm sick, I'm afraid I won't be able to see your little sister go to college. I'm sick, I'm getting old." Now, that freaked me out. A lot. I started bawling. What did that mean? Was my dad just drunk and just saying this or did the truth come out because he was drunk? He started saying stupid things and I heard him screaming out, cursing at himself. I have never ever heard him say anything close to duck or knit before, or any of those bad korean words that he had said. Then he started asking where my mom was and started to get mad and cried more saying, "I think I really really love your mom." Now, any other guy would say, "A drunk fool in love." or "How whipped is he."
Then, my mom came, and I was sent downstairs. I heard a lot of screaming, and yelling from my dad. Next thing I know, it was quiet, so I went back upstairs. I saw them falling asleep in each other's arms. I realized how much in love they were with each other, after all those years.
You're probably wondering what this has to do with Memorial Day. The thing is, memorial day isn't just about the bbq's and the parades. It's about the people who fight for you every day. In this case, it's my dad, who fights for his family. Thursday night represented a night where my dad felt like he had to give up, with his company, because it was so hard to go through. It was a night of the hate he felt when he was away from his family, and also the love he felt for us. I feel as if memorial day is supposed to be about remembering the people you love and the people who love you. It's about the battles one fights in life, even as small as this, and as big as the battle in Iraq.
My battle is, struggling with being so far away from my family. It sucks being away, so bad. I never got to see my sister go from sixth grade to junior high. I am now one of them, who says,"Wow, last time I saw you, you were this small!" I got the feeling my dad was afraid to fail, to fail us for some reason. I am not going to lie, we are much better off financially now, than we were before, where we struggled a lot. I think he is afraid that we will get to that place one day when we do have to struggle with money, and I will not be proud of him or whatever. The thing is, I am so proud of him, and I do not care whatsoever if we do have money problems.
This post sounded so much better when I was crying on Thursday night and I was on the emotional rollercoaster. I guess I am having trouble putting into words what I felt this weekend. It's just a change of perspective of how valuable I view the time I have with my family now. The clock is ticking, and it is crazy to think just last year it was so different than it was this year. Some people may read this, and think that his may not relate to memorial day at all, and if you do think that I"m sorry, I dont mean to write a journal entry of my life story, but honestly, I am so grateful that Thursday night happened, because I got to truly value the things and the people I want to remember for the rest of my life.
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